The adventures of Toast Primrose Rue Mellark
by clovexoxocato
Summary: "Hello. My name is Toast Primrose Rue Mellark, and this is my story. I am sixteen years old, and I live in District 12 with my parents, Katniss and Peeta, and my younger brother, Rye Barley Wonderbread Mellark. We are a very happy family, apart from when my mother wakes up screaming and my father tries to kill her with a bread knife. Like I said, we are a very happy family." PARODY


**Hey guys! So I decided to take a break from all my usual writing, and try a parody, which I've never done before! So, as I'm sure you're aware, there are many stories about Katniss and Peeta's kids on here. I decided to write a parody of all the overused things that happen! Hope you enjoy! (P.s the daughter's name is toast because boy with bread + girl on fire = toast!)**

Hello. My name is Toast Primrose Rue Mellark, and this is my story. I am sixteen years old, and I live in District 12 with my parents, Katniss and Peeta, and my younger brother, Rye Barley Wonderbread Mellark. We are a very happy family, apart from when my mother wakes up screaming and my father tries to kill her with a bread knife. Like I said, we are a very happy family.

One day, I woke up early in the morning, and found I couldn't seem to get back to sleep. So, I decided to do what I have done every morning since I was 3 months old, and went hunting with the bow my mother carved for me as my baby shower present. I am very good at hunting, almost as good as my mother, but she never goes anymore because it 'brings back too many memories'. I'm not really sure what that means; maybe she was scared of Robin Hood as a kid? I don't know. So anyway, I manage to kill an elephant, a mountain lion, a cougar, a zebra, three dinosaurs, and 12 flamingos. Oh, and a squirrel. After I drag all this home, which takes about six hours, I go up to my mother, and show her a drawing I did of mockingjay birds, which fly around in the woods and die when I shoot them. I have inherited my father's skill for drawing, and in this one the blood covering the bird and the intestine wrapped around its neck looked almost real! For some reason, my mother turns pale as soon as she sees it, and lies huddled in a ball on the floor, muttering something to herself about Rue and flowers. Strange, my middle name is Rue, but I don't like flowers, only primroses because I'm named after them. I get bored of hearing her screaming, and so wander into the kitchen, where I find my dad covered in flour, pulling cheese buns out of the oven faster than I thought was humanly possible.

"Hey, Dad", I say, just as he turns around with a bread knife pressed against my throat. As soon, as he realizes I'm not Katniss, he pulls away and calmly places the knife on the counter.

"Hey Toast, honey, what's up? Do you want some cheese buns?" he asks, caringly.

"Sure", I reply, grabbing a fistful and stuffing my face. Dad's cheese buns are the best! Mine are amazing too, but he taught me how to make them so I guess he gets all the credit. Oh well. I guess I can't be the best at everything. That would just be unfair.

Just then, I hear the mailman at the door. My brother, Rye Barley Wonderbread, run towards him and grabs the letters savagely with his mouth, then lies on the ground and starts growling. I keep trying to convince my parents that he needs 'help', but they seem to think it's fine. Oh well. I guess it was what they were brought up with. My brother runs in with a shiny blue envelope and drops it in my dad's lap, then runs out the door to go dig holes in the garden. I'm assuming from its colour that its from District 4, and this is confirmed when my dad opens it and reads:

_Dear Katniss, Peeta, Toast Primrose Rue and Rye Barley Wonderbread,_

_It has been so long since we've last seen you, and so we are having a little party this weekend. We were planning on inviting you and the Hawthornes, and we have included train tickets to District 4, leaving tomorrow. Katniss – your mother sends her love. We hope you can come!_

_Lots of Love,_

_Annie and Finn xoxo_

"Dad, who are Annie and Finn?" I ask questioningly.

"Annie is our good friend, and Finn is her son. I believe he's around your age. Well, it will be great to see them! Although I'm not sure if your mother will be happy about seeing the Hawthornes….." he replies.

"Who are the Hawthornes?" I ask even more questioningly.

But he doesn't reply, as yet another batch of cheese buns are ready to come out of the oven.

"OK, bye dad! I'm going to pack for District 4. See you later!" I say cheerfully, then run off to my bedroom to pack all my forest green clothes (did I already mention I only wear forest green?)

**Hope you guys liked it! if you did... REVIEW :) the next chapter will see them travel to district 4, to meet the elusive 'Annie, Finn, and Hawthornes'! **


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